Feel the Empty Space

(Night before I asked why I was called “The Mother”)

A guy was cozying up with me, talking with me. I realized that I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet, but didn’t worry too much about it since he didn’t seem to notice / be affected by it.

Someone, Ali ?, mentioned that I hadn’t brushed my teeth, so I told him that I had been chewing (minty) gum.

My top left tooth, next to my “fang”, came out. I was looking behind it, where there was some of my gums (normal, supposed to be there), to figure out why it would come off / out. I saw a tiny white spot at the top left corner, and thought that might be the reason.

I attempted to put it back, like a nail (not pushing it up in the gums), but it wouldn’t stay. I then let it go, and figured that Ali will have to live with me like this.

I put my lip down, and it felt weird to feel the empty space.

A young teenage girl, with shoulder (blade) length brown hair, had a boyfriend, came from a wealthy family, and was enjoying life.

One day she found out that she had a certain type of skin cancer. A couple of days later, she was looking at her face in the mirror, with boyfriend behind her, and mentioned that she saw a sign of it showing up on her face.

She lived with a lot of ladies, relatives?, and had a lot of dogs (not seen, but knew).

There was a festival in town, and she went to enjoy it while she could. Someone asked where her boyfriend was.

She “skated” down a cement curved slope. The scene continued to the left, showing several different groups of people showcasing their own entertainment / talents, like a parade, but they were stationary.

I saw a group of people singing the Star Spangled Banner song in a dunked up version / way. Next to them were ladies doing a dance routine with those things they throw up in the air.

This girl had become a bit weaker, but still happy. She had just sold a shirt, or clothes, and was holding a wad of cash in her hands, looking at it. She had some tears, but was smiling, because of what she had planned to do with it for her family. She was wearing black and white striped clothes, with varying widths.

(From Nov. 17, 2014)

A lady loved getting tore up / mangled by dogs, and would get paid for it. She didn’t have any ambulances around, but had two people who were there to help clean and bandage her wounds.

There were black baby kittens on a small slope of a hill, but they were balls, like when fish lay eggs. Someone was moving them, attempting to scoop them up, but not using the scoops nearby, so they were rolling down, about to drop to their deaths.

I was at a nice, well built, non denominational church, just to see what it was like. There was a man sitting a couple of chairs away from me on my right. He was “teaching”, using a tablet(?). One part, he was talking about politicians, showing faces. I saw Mitt Romney. This man said that Mormon’s don’t matter. He went on to something else, saying again about the Mormon’s. I stopped him, and asked if Mormon’s don’t matter because they are irrelevant to his discussion, or because he doesn’t like them. He started answering by not answering, as he backed his chair away.

A little blonde girl (2 / 3) was then sitting on my lap. Though there were no signs, people knew that she was abused. She was still happy though. She wore a dark dress, with tiny white spots?, and I was rubbing her legs. She wasn’t bothered by that. I then saw hair sticking out of her mouth, and went to take it out. As I went for it, I noticed that the end of her tongue was pierced, and this hair was tied through the hole. She put her tongue back inside, so I wasn’t able to get to it.

(From Nov. 16, 2014)

I was in a class, not for schooling, but like a community one, for fun. One day a light skin Arab man offered to give me, and another woman, a ride home. He dropped her off, then continued on. I was going to tell him that I live in Riverside when he brought out some masking tape (the brown / tan one). I knew what his intentions were, so I got out of there.

I was running in the city, like in New York with the alleys between the businesses, and couldn’t find a place to go. I finally said, out loud, “God, show me a way out”, or something like that. I then saw that I could go down a certain alley.

I went down, and through a door. It was a small rectangular room, like at church for nursing mothers, but there was only a long rectangular mirror on the left, with a counter below it. I debated getting under, but figured he would see me, so I went next to the door so that I would be behind it when he opened it.

After he opened it, and didn’t see me, I heard some ladies voices coming our way, and he closed the door without looking behind.

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Zombies

I was in a small pool (murky water?) with two other girls. A soak went below the surface. I wanted to get it before it did so, but wasn’t able to.

One of the girls undid the tie to my bathing suit /bikini (don’t know which it was), then brought the top down enough to show my breasts. I was worried that she would see my little bit of (blonde) chest hair. She didn’t say anything, and didn’t act as if something was out of the ordinary.

She told me to slap my breasts against the water. I told her that I would not.

I am somewhere where some 20-something’s were talking about bestiality. One guy mentioned an elephant. I was going to speak up against this behavior, but didn’t, possibly because I didn’t know them.

(From Nov. 3, 2014)

As I’m walking in front of the neighbor’s house (to our left), towards Ali’s house, I notice that the house is empty. I think to myself, “Ah, that’s why they haven’t been around.” As I’m back inside the house, I see about 4 ladies from church in the kitchen (side of the house), cleaning the last handful of stuff that’s left.

(From Nov. 2, 2014)

There were zombies in a city. People kept going about their lives / duties, but were on guard. The children still had to go to school. The residents were allowed to kill the zombies when coming across them.

I’m leading an exercise class at a gym. We have on our backs what looks like a weighted jet pack, but without the jets, and extra stuff. The cords /straps were black elastic (?). My pack was pink. I still had some weight, but it wasn’t obvious.

(From Nov. 1, 2014)

There was a rainstorm, then cleared up.

(From Oct. 31, 2014)

Ali came home from work, hot from the weather. It was 87(?) degrees outside. I knew that there was going to be another warm / hot day, but then would cool down.

(From Oct. 30, 2014)

There are round bundles of hay, out in a field. They are lined up, front to back, being varying sizes, large to small. About halfway, they curved to the left. They are frozen over.

I am standing a little ways away, and see a horse sliding down, head to the right, eyes closed, not moving. I was worried it would get hurt.

I was standing at the end as it reached the end. It finally fell to the ground, and was okay.

(From Oct. 29, 2014)

I’m walking in the middle of a quad(?) at a college. I’m carrying a lunch(?) box in my right hand. It is shaped so that the handle is at the left end. It is striped with the rasta colors. I’m thinking that Travis(?) will be impressed when he sees it.

The Mother

I am standing between benches, turned toward the back, in the chapel of the church, on the right side, speaking with someone. I am wearing an empire waist dress, blue / sea green(?) coloring, maybe some tiny flowers(?). My hair is dark brown / black, but looks natural. I have added some pounds (10-15/20).

A tall, big man walks in at the back. He sees me, and walks to the left toward a lady, to ask about me. Jovially / happily, she says, “Oh, the Mother”, and brings him to me, which by now I’m near the front on the left side, and introduces him to me. He reminds me of Kyle, intriguing me. I tell him, yes, I am a mother, thinking about my two children, thus the weight. Later on, though, I realize / tell myself that I don’t have any children.

This man has a Polish last name, with the weird spelling. He is funny, having previously been on SNL. His singing is beautiful, to almost being of an operatic quality, seeing him sitting where the choir sits, in the top row.

At one point, I am walking through a hallway, in the church, with him, and others, behind me. I’m having a bit of a difficult time walking, but not struggling, with a smile on my face when I look back.

There are some cards with names inside. Don’t know what for. I see mine, and the big guys together, mine having his last name. A man says it’s because he always sees us together.

I’m sitting outside, by a round table with an umbrella(?), watching two dark black bald men, who are about 20 yards away, get situated. I’m wondering what the big guy would say / do if he saw me looking, but also thinking it wouldn’t bother him too much.

I had put a sleeping bag outside, in the back, but forgot about it. Next thing I know, it’s raining, and Steve, as a young boy (11?), is in it. A church leader, who isn’t physically there, but can see him, asked how he is doing. Steve responded that he is fine, except for the fact that he can’t feel his fingers / hands, and toes / feet. He then covers himself. There is a small grave next to him, with something buried.

There is a line of Asian men, wearing black suits, holding red umbrellas, on the side of a mountain. I only see the faces of the first couple of them, as I see them from above. I don’t know where they came from, where they are going, or how many there are, as I assume that they go around the corner.

(From Oct. 26, 2014)

A tall, big man, who likes me, and wants to get involved, picked me up so that my back was against his left arm, and my legs over his right.

I’m worried about him being able to hold my weight, but then concluded that he could because of his stature.

(From Oct. 25, 2014)

I’m outside, taking a test. My teacher is Bishop Powers. He is enjoying the day, and is enjoying it so much, that he becomes overheated, and needs to lie down on a table. I mention to him, “I thought you had learned from last time”, or something to that effect.

While taking the test, we were able to freely converse with each other. I was one of the last two to finish. The test papers were more like a thin book stapled(?) together, and the pages were of varying shapes, sizes, and maybe colors. The questions themselves also weren’t thought out well. One of the last ones wanted me to put in order several animals, stacked upon each other, which included a hummingbird, turtle, and a cat. The longer I looked at this, more animals seemed to show up.

A guy appeared, as I was finishing, who sat as close to me as he could, on the right side, in an affectionate way. He looked a combination of Eddie Vedder, and a 7th grade t.a. We had taken a previous class together, and knew each other from that, but didn’t do anything outside of that class.

He told me he was from Provo, Utah, and he was what is known / called “Nu Essence”. He then took out, from his right pants pocket, what looked like a small jewelry box, and then got on the ground next to me, facing me. He said he was what was called “Level(?)”, which I might have heard of / about. I told him no, I hadn’t. He then started to explain. (I woke as he was doing so.)

As he was on the ground, I assumed that he was going to ask me to marry him. I was thinking I would tell him that we hardly know each other, but I was considering saying yes. I was also going to tell him that I would give him an answer the next day, as I needed to discuss this with Ali.

(From Oct. 24, 2014)

Ali was gone for several days, for something, and my dad was here with me. Shortly after going to bed, the alarm went off. I went to check it out, and by the time I got to it, it was turned off, and a guy from church in Moreno Valley was there. He came because some of the floor, in the kitchen(?), needed to be removed and replaced. I saw water underneath the house. He then left, but I told him the floor needed to be fixed, and he said it would be. Another guy, also from church in Moreno Valley, showed up to fix it.

The alarm was in a closet, and I saw writing, in black ink, written by a lady. Ali had smudged some of it, maybe so I couldn’t read it?

We had a large round, globe sized, chandelier, and two men were fixing the lights / lighting.

I was reading, in a newspaper(?), “The life you are to have will be”, or something along those lines.

Dad asked about death, if whether now, or at the end life, or both. I said both.

(From Oct. 23, 2014)

A female is parked in a white car, backed up. Not in a lot, but more like under an empty overpass. I don’t see her. She is frantic, on the phone to 911. She is telling the operator that a man is coming after her. The operator knows about this man.

The man, in a car, backs up to her car, speeding, crunching hers, then takes off.

I’m standing on the passenger side, by the back, a ways back. I see her falling out in two, but she is not a body, but more like two burnt circles. I think someone comes with something to cover her.

Black family, mostly women in their 50’s / 60’s, leave church early, as one of them is in a wheelchair, and they don’t want the other people to get in the way.

David Bowie is there, dressed warmly in a dark sweater. I ask him if Iman is ok with him being Mormon. He acknowledges yes.

We (including?) are at Oprah’s house, looking at her collectibles collection. She has some life-sized statues from different movies. She also has some things of Einstein.

I am riding in a rail train, with no top, with somebody else, inside this room. Looking down, I mention that the rail isn’t there, but then I see it.

I’m in Alan Alda’s bedroom, standing at the end, to the left (if on the bed). I think there might also be an orangey cat.

Alan is on the right side of the bed. He has on those square glasses with the big black frames. He is wearing striped pajamas, but I see that they are see through, and see what looks like white shorts underneath.

His wife is next to him, sitting up, with shorts on. She is skinny, so much so, that I can see a bone sticking out of her left leg, up by the hips. She has really short hair, and I wonder if she is gay. There are several different colored striped pajamas on the end of the bed between them.

Alan puts his arm over her stomach / chest area, bringing her down, wanting to get frisky with her. She mentions that I am there. I know they do other things, read, when I’m not there.

(Didn’t realize I had so much to write.)

Forgot His Mission

The top part of my right big toe was chopped off, not knowing how. There was no blood. I wanted to get to the hospital to get it put back on. My family wasn’t worried / concerned, doing their own thing(s).

Somehow my lower right leg was in some black, thick, mushy stuff. I freaked out (in mind?), thinking it was tar, worrying how it was going to be taken off. I soon then realized that it was mud, and was coming off.

I worried how it would affect my toe, but nothing happened.

(From Oct. 16, 2014)

I’m at church, in Sunday school class with my dad, and I think Mark also. After a while, I go to another class where my mom is, and I think other family members.

My mom tells me that my dad was here, but left to bring back a test, but since he was in the other class, he had forgotten his mission / assignment. (He’s 77, and memory is fading.)

(From Oct. 15, 2014)

Gwen(?) had an operation to get rid of her female parts. She was no longer a fe/male, but just a regular person.

Ali is in bed, and told to look at the bedroom door, which is lit up. He goes over (was told to?), opens it, and at the end of the hallway to the right, a young girl (9 / 10) skips / jogs across from side to side, right to left, holding up a streamer / banner.

(From Oct. 14, 2014)

Travis

Laptop with a 25(?) inch screen, with a picture being drawn on a black background.

Submission

(Warning: little gory at the end.)

I’m somewhere where there are people, but I’m not with them. There’s food in a separate room. I go in by myself, seems the others let me go first, by myself.

A lady (used to be secretary at D. I.) is sitting behind the food table. I grab ?, then some tortilla(?) chips that are almost near the end. I then realized that there isn’t anything to drink, but then remembered that I brought my own grape juice / drink, and pb&j.

I go to throw away the food crumbs, along with a plastic bag / wrap. After I let go, I see what looks like a black bug crawling out. As it keeps moving, it grows into a kitten, walking towards a small hill / mound in front of me, diagonally to my right.

As the kitten is walking, I see a big cat. I then think, “Oh, this must be a bobcat.” It then has its claws in my left pointer finger. I’m wanting it to let go, not sure what I’m doing so that it would, but doesn’t. I then say out loud, “God, let these claws come out.” After saying this, one claw tears through my skin as they come out.

After this, I see the black kitten has walked up the mound, where the white mother is stretched out, lying on the left side, head down. The bottom stomach area, and a small section going across the top of her chest, right below her throat, look like she has been skinned, and is dying.

The kitten goes to one of the skinned nipples to feed, and gets blood on its right paw. I look at the mothers face. She has a look of submission / “That’s the way life goes.” I then get on my knees, and heartbreaking sadness, cry out, “No! No! No!”

Help Me Hold On

Me, and the old man neighbor, are together at a warehouse that sells plants, and flowers, a nursery. We are resting by the doors, watching the people, which are few. A manager(?), and another employee are doing something behind a counter. (There’s more, but I don’t remember.)

Ali, and I, are walking down a very rocky orange-y / rusty colored hill. About halfway down, I see cars traveling from left to right, on the hill. I see Ali’s vehicle below. Just above the cars, there is a crevice(?). He is able to jump across, and down to the car. He gets in, starts to drive, not leaving. He looks back, waiting for me.

The crevice looks too dangerous for me, so I decide to go back the way we came. I’m not able to get a grip, slowly sliding down. I’m telling myself, out loud, to hold on. I continue slipping, becoming scared. I then cry out, “God, help me hold on!” I then stop, being able to get a grip on the edges of an arrowhead rock formation. I look below, and see that if I had kept going, I would’ve fallen on the hill a bit of a distance down. I then look to my left, and see the wife of a church leader standing on a level area. She was sticking her head out, looking at me.

Waiting For Me

I’m thinking that I have written a previous dream about black hills.

Ali is sitting on the left side of a bench in the chapel at church. Judy is sitting on the bench in front of him, and Micalanne is sitting on the bench behind. I don’t notice any other people.

Travis has become LDS, and is wearing a nice looking, somewhat expensive, grey, bit shiny, suit. He is going to wait for me when church gets out.

Judy, and Micalanne, are in their cars, in the parking lot, parked by each other. Judy is parked in back, facing the exit. The scene is a bit darkened.

Judy has a rusty VW Bug, convertible, and Micalanne has a Fiat(?). The Fiat is dark rust / maroon on the sides, and black / dark on the hood. It looks to have a puffy quilted look to it, like the Quilted Northern toilet paper. I don’t see the back. There are a couple small dents on the front passenger side by the lights / bumper. Bethany(?) is with her, sitting in the back.

Judy has the top down, and music turned up. The twins(?) are with her. She is happily talking to someone, who is standing by the passenger door, before she leaves.

There were girls in line, holding a hard ticket / card, waiting to be accounted for, not having done so earlier, by the man at the table. One of the girls, tired of being in line, notices me.

I was outside, flying over some people, Travis is there, who wanted to have an activity out here, but a body had been buried somewhere in that spot. Holes were being dug up, looking for it. Instead, I started showing them how to fly, starting off by using their legs.

I am going to take mom, Barbie, and grandma to Wal-Mart, but Barbie is driving. I am squished in the back, sitting to the left of grandma.

We drive past a rectangular shaped property. The house, which I don’t see, is on a hill, on the left side. The right side is all dirt. There is a German Shepherd in the upper right corner, watching a squirrel. There are other squirrels throughout the property.

At grandma’s house, she is standing, next to the old tv, complaining about someone eating her ham, which she loves. It is implied that Ben has eaten it. She is healthy, except for her hearing.

Mom gives grandma, who is now sitting, her medicines. We then see that she had slid down her chair a bit. Mom, and Barbie get up, and go to her. When grandma is touched, she wakes. It was worried that perhaps mom had done something wrong when giving the meds.

(Ali’s dream)

It is one o’clock on Tuesday, and he is giving the disabled students their test. He then comes home, and takes a nap, forgetting about the other students taking their test at two o’clock.

I knock on the door (he locks it), and tell him what time it is, and that he needs to give the test to the other students. He was working on getting up, moving his fingers, but his body was dead weight, and couldn’t get up. I keep knocking, and telling him to get up until he actually does jump up, expecting it to be Tuesday, and to see me.

Moroni Collectors

I’m in a stage theatre, with others, when someone brings / carries in a stack of coffee table size books. One of them is white, titled “Moroni Collectors”, having to do with the statue on the temples. I go over so I can look through it, but I don’t see it at first, then see it has been moved. It is now in a different stack, binders facing. It is to the right of the original stack, above, as if making an angle.

The area behind the curtains is known to be haunted / creepy. There is a door to the left that leads to the area behind the stage.

Someone has a small rubber handheld ball, and lets it go. It bounces back, and forth, hitting the walls, and chairs. (We are all sitting.) It ends up going through the open doorway. A small black, and white, kitten (3,4 months) follows it. I follow, not wanting the kitten to go in the back, but does. The ball turns a corner to the right after entering, and rolls for several seconds before stopping. There is dirt / sand.

I am finally able to grab the kitten, covering the whole body with my hand. When I pick it up, it turns into a baby turtle, and diarrhea comes out. It is flat, like a piece of stick gum (couldn’t think of anything else to compare it to.)

Becoming Conscious

A guy, at a party, is standing(?) at a table. He’s having a fun time, but he doesn’t see that one if the other people at the table has drugged his drink.

He is next seen at / in a lab. He is strapped down next to someone (on his right) who looks similar to him. Their clothes have been switched. He is starting to become conscious.

I’m in a building, at the end of the hallway, and there is a guy to my left, and girl to my right. They are strapped down, blindfolded, and crying out.

I continue walking, and see Debbie (Where I used to work. She’s blind, and constantly putting her hands down there.) strapped also, but not to the same extreme, and is in a chair instead. Her hands are in her pants. I’m thinking about her being able to throw her blood around on the sky blue walls.

Someone tells me it’s Fast Sunday, and I say, thinking about what day / date it is, that it was last week (first Sunday of month).

I’m at an older, tall, thin man’s home, in the front room. His drapes / curtains are to the left, closed. He has a fish tank to the right if them, in front of me. There is one(?) fish, and nothing else, in clear blue fluorescent like water. It’s obvious he takes care of / cleans the tank, but this day, it has the beginnings of being cloudy. He tells me, going to the drapes, that sometimes he likes to open them up at night, and watch the fish.

We are outside, in the late afternoon, at the bottom of his driveway, with his 60’s Dodge van, skin color.

I see a calf(?) lying on someone’s front yard, with head up. It has an elfish looking green hat on, but without the cone piece. I think it’s cute, and to my surprise, gets up and walks over to me. I had thought it was a decoration. The old man smiles at this.

He is sitting in a chair next to his van. I ask him how he like living here, and he says he likes it.

I get out of the driver seat, and don’t close the door shut. I tell myself that he’s going to be there anyway, as he is getting the calf in the van to take back home.

(From June 14, 2014)

Maze like up, and down stairs, as in M. C. Escher’s picture. There is a wall between up and down. I break it down (from jumping on it?), and someone attempts to put it back up using tape.

Male gay couple.

I’m given a silver / grey car with a cylindrical silver key, about an inch long. It has teeth at one end. (Mom used to have an extra freezer with a lock like this.)

Pain She Will Feel

(Night before, asked the meaning of the icy water, again)

I was shown different scenes, the porcelain floor tiles (in the expanded room) among them, and was told / had a knowing, that these were the answer. (I had asked again (see bottom of page) because I couldn’t grasp the connection.)

I was at church, and young children, on one side of the building, were vomiting. It wasn’t chunky, or too disgusting, but was smooth and a pea green color. As I was walking around, I saw a girl, at the entrance of the bathroom, vomiting, facing me.

There was only one lady cleaning it up, using (dish?) towels.

The Bishop was wearing flip-flops, and colorful shorts which looked like swim trunks, but were not. He was gliding across the vomit, not touching it, not bothered by it, and having a good time.

Another portion of the church, there was a famous black rapper (don’t know if actual, or just in dream). Don’t know why he was here, or how he got here, but several of his tall friends (he was average height) came to take him away. One was a female. As she was walking away (they came from the left, and went back the same), I noticed her hair. It was big. She had it as though she had used the biggest roller / curler, and then left her hair as is after taking it out. The curls went toward the middle, in the back. She wasn’t haughty, she just didn’t want to be there.

I was still at the church(?), and was sitting in a tall chair against the wall. I was holding a girl baby, supposedly my niece, facing left. To my left was Robert Mailhouse. To his left were two of his friends (man, and woman), a door, then another chair. The wall then angled to the right, and there were two chairs backing that wall. Robert was playing / smiling with the baby, and I was thinking that maybe I was supposed to be with him.

Next thing I knew, they had moved to the other chairs, on the other side of the door, when the people who were sitting there (didn’t see, only knew) had gotten up and left. Robert was sitting in the second chair, facing me, facing me. A little disappointed, I then thought that maybe we’re not supposed to be together.

At church, and not many people (75?) because it being the day of Indy 500. There weren’t any services, but rather music playing through a sound system, and a home theater size tv with a game on. Those who were there were having fun, and partying. I thought it odd. One person had even brought a nice looking dark wood pipe, and vodka(?), which had been set down.

I was a giant, sitting, and watching some adults, in a match size box, playing dodgeball / tag with colorful balls. There were some who were always it, and I was wondering how they could not be, what would they have to do.

Sometime in between these, I was at a pool of a small community. They were having fun with all one can do at a pool. I saw in the water a killer whale swimming among them. They seemed oblivious of it.

I then saw that the whale had gotten the right foot of a young unconscious female (teen?). I was thinking how I had read about this happening before, and wasn’t sure whether to help, or not.

Soon after thinking this, I had had a hold of her top body, her facing me / down. I don’t know if I was attempting to wake her up, or making sure the whale didn’t take her down. The whale made any moves of wanting to take her down, and didn’t seem to mean her any purposeful harm. He was softly nibbling on her foot.

I yell for help, and even wave my (right?) to get someone’s attention, but none was gotten. It was as if this scene wasn’t even there.

I think about the pain this girl is going to be in when she wakes.

The whale lets go, and I expect the foot to be gone. Instead, I see scratches on either dude of her big toe.

(From May 24, 2014)

(Night before, I asked the meaning of the icy water)

I saw the porcelain floor tiles in the newly expanded room.