I’m Not a Mother 

(From March 20, 2015)

We had something delivered from a thrift store. Along with it was a blue baby shoe. It had the company’s tag, along with a white tag with 13 on it. 

I wanted to go back to the store to find the other one. (Why didn’t I return the one I had?) When I got to the store, it was at the church. I wanted to start on the right side (chapel in top middle). 

I saw a couple jewelry boxes, and when I opened them, the “diamond” had come off, but still there. 

I found a tool where I could change the opening, at the top (like a monkey wrench). I showed it to John (D. I. ) because I knew he be interested, which he was. 

Someone showed me a pink baby shoe, with silky ribbon for the tie. I mentioned that wasn’t it, but a blue baby shoe that was like it. I didn’t mention that it had a regular tie. 

(Ali’s dream)

I was on a track, having to jump over obstacles. I was in front, Ali behind me. No one else was able to jump, and some black women were complaining about having to jump. 

(From March 21, 2015)

I’m in the cultural hall at church by the stage. There is a curtain semi around me. I am taking a shower, with my underwear on. The ceiling sprinklers come on. No one shows up for a while. A man finally shows up. I’m wondering what took so long for him to show, and the sprinklers came on when there’s no fire. 

I was looking at a black piece of paper, with white writing on it, on both sides with the middle empty. It was about the zodiac sign of Gemini. I heard Cher’s voice reading it. 

(From March 27, 2015)

I’m walking into Relief Society, going to sit by my mom. Excitedly, she said, “Happy birthday! Happy Mothers Day!” I then say, “But, I’m not a mother.” Suzanne (from church when I was a teenager.)

(From March 18, 2015)

Kyle, and I, are lying in (separate?) bed (house in my teenage years). He said something to me about checking the food under the desk. I look, and see a box of food with cockroaches crawling over it. There are some tabby cats under his bed (on the right), at the end, and they also have cockroaches crawling on them. 

I Didn’t Want To See 

(From Feb. 15, 2015 Ali’s dream)

Someone, renting from us, who was burning incense. I told them to leave, and told Ali, “I knew we shouldn’t have rented to them.”

(From Feb. 16, 2015)

I had bleeding legs from shaving to hard. 

I was inside a building, with separate rooms, for bands to come and give small concerts. The first room I was in was for KISS. They weren’t out / on stage yet, but everything was set up for them, and there were 4 microphones next to each other. Someone was speaking over the speakers talking about how the group came together. 

I then went into a room with Fall Out Boy. The singer was yelling the lyrics, and was almost laying down, propped up on something with his left arm, facing up. There were 20-somethings there, sitting as if in a living room, comfortable. 

It was known that sex happened among the audience. I didn’t see any happening, but left because I didn’t want to see. I went back to the room with KISS. 

(From Feb. 19, 2015)

Women were coming out of a building, not sure if it was a church, but they were dressed as such. I asked Amy, “Is that it?”, thinking there was more. 

As I was walking along one of the sidewalks, there was a brown pit bull / boxer. Some may have thought he looked scary, but he wasn’t to me. I then saw several black dogs on the other side of him. They were all happy, and doing dog stuff. I pointed out the brown one to Amy. There was also a lady with long brown hair. A Native American?

Amy was then going to drive us home. She was not on the road though, but on top of a craggy hill. She was waiting for a man to move out of a certain place / area so that she could go that way. 

He moved after us waiting several seconds. As we started to descend, I think I asked if she was sure about this, and if she knew what she was doing. We were always pointed down. The last I saw, after going over / past a ledge, the side of the hill went further in, which I think caused the car to start falling, back end starting / coming up and over. 

Without a border

(From Dec. 23, 2014)

There was a steep concrete ditch without a border to keep anything from falling in. Ali, and I, were walking by it, where there were pebbles all over the ground. He was talking to a couple other women, enjoying being with them, more than me. I lied down, waiting for him to pay attention to me. Eventually he came over.

Kyle, and I, were going to get married, as also another couple. We had to be shipped off to a different state to do so. I don’t remember where the other couple went, but we were to go to Oregon, which was at the bottom of the states, to the left of Texas.

Some of my cousins came down for it. While waiting to be shipped off, I was participating in the different activities taking place. I was in a pool, and Joy showed me a hole on the top side where air / steam / water was coming out, and she told me that it was warm.

(Ali’s dream)

We were at Amy’s, and I told him to come down to mom and dad’s area so that I could give him a bj. He didn’t want to at first because of the family being there. After he finally did come down, my mom called out to me.

(From Dec. 30, 2014 Ali’s dream)

There were two police impersonators here who wanted to handcuff Ali. We were telling them that they can’t do this. Ali asked where their badges were. I said something about having them on video. They left, and we were going to report them. I said that I needed to get one of my shoes.

The Mother

I am standing between benches, turned toward the back, in the chapel of the church, on the right side, speaking with someone. I am wearing an empire waist dress, blue / sea green(?) coloring, maybe some tiny flowers(?). My hair is dark brown / black, but looks natural. I have added some pounds (10-15/20).

A tall, big man walks in at the back. He sees me, and walks to the left toward a lady, to ask about me. Jovially / happily, she says, “Oh, the Mother”, and brings him to me, which by now I’m near the front on the left side, and introduces him to me. He reminds me of Kyle, intriguing me. I tell him, yes, I am a mother, thinking about my two children, thus the weight. Later on, though, I realize / tell myself that I don’t have any children.

This man has a Polish last name, with the weird spelling. He is funny, having previously been on SNL. His singing is beautiful, to almost being of an operatic quality, seeing him sitting where the choir sits, in the top row.

At one point, I am walking through a hallway, in the church, with him, and others, behind me. I’m having a bit of a difficult time walking, but not struggling, with a smile on my face when I look back.

There are some cards with names inside. Don’t know what for. I see mine, and the big guys together, mine having his last name. A man says it’s because he always sees us together.

I’m sitting outside, by a round table with an umbrella(?), watching two dark black bald men, who are about 20 yards away, get situated. I’m wondering what the big guy would say / do if he saw me looking, but also thinking it wouldn’t bother him too much.

I had put a sleeping bag outside, in the back, but forgot about it. Next thing I know, it’s raining, and Steve, as a young boy (11?), is in it. A church leader, who isn’t physically there, but can see him, asked how he is doing. Steve responded that he is fine, except for the fact that he can’t feel his fingers / hands, and toes / feet. He then covers himself. There is a small grave next to him, with something buried.

There is a line of Asian men, wearing black suits, holding red umbrellas, on the side of a mountain. I only see the faces of the first couple of them, as I see them from above. I don’t know where they came from, where they are going, or how many there are, as I assume that they go around the corner.

(From Oct. 26, 2014)

A tall, big man, who likes me, and wants to get involved, picked me up so that my back was against his left arm, and my legs over his right.

I’m worried about him being able to hold my weight, but then concluded that he could because of his stature.

(From Oct. 25, 2014)

I’m outside, taking a test. My teacher is Bishop Powers. He is enjoying the day, and is enjoying it so much, that he becomes overheated, and needs to lie down on a table. I mention to him, “I thought you had learned from last time”, or something to that effect.

While taking the test, we were able to freely converse with each other. I was one of the last two to finish. The test papers were more like a thin book stapled(?) together, and the pages were of varying shapes, sizes, and maybe colors. The questions themselves also weren’t thought out well. One of the last ones wanted me to put in order several animals, stacked upon each other, which included a hummingbird, turtle, and a cat. The longer I looked at this, more animals seemed to show up.

A guy appeared, as I was finishing, who sat as close to me as he could, on the right side, in an affectionate way. He looked a combination of Eddie Vedder, and a 7th grade t.a. We had taken a previous class together, and knew each other from that, but didn’t do anything outside of that class.

He told me he was from Provo, Utah, and he was what is known / called “Nu Essence”. He then took out, from his right pants pocket, what looked like a small jewelry box, and then got on the ground next to me, facing me. He said he was what was called “Level(?)”, which I might have heard of / about. I told him no, I hadn’t. He then started to explain. (I woke as he was doing so.)

As he was on the ground, I assumed that he was going to ask me to marry him. I was thinking I would tell him that we hardly know each other, but I was considering saying yes. I was also going to tell him that I would give him an answer the next day, as I needed to discuss this with Ali.

(From Oct. 24, 2014)

Ali was gone for several days, for something, and my dad was here with me. Shortly after going to bed, the alarm went off. I went to check it out, and by the time I got to it, it was turned off, and a guy from church in Moreno Valley was there. He came because some of the floor, in the kitchen(?), needed to be removed and replaced. I saw water underneath the house. He then left, but I told him the floor needed to be fixed, and he said it would be. Another guy, also from church in Moreno Valley, showed up to fix it.

The alarm was in a closet, and I saw writing, in black ink, written by a lady. Ali had smudged some of it, maybe so I couldn’t read it?

We had a large round, globe sized, chandelier, and two men were fixing the lights / lighting.

I was reading, in a newspaper(?), “The life you are to have will be”, or something along those lines.

Dad asked about death, if whether now, or at the end life, or both. I said both.

(From Oct. 23, 2014)

A female is parked in a white car, backed up. Not in a lot, but more like under an empty overpass. I don’t see her. She is frantic, on the phone to 911. She is telling the operator that a man is coming after her. The operator knows about this man.

The man, in a car, backs up to her car, speeding, crunching hers, then takes off.

I’m standing on the passenger side, by the back, a ways back. I see her falling out in two, but she is not a body, but more like two burnt circles. I think someone comes with something to cover her.

Black family, mostly women in their 50’s / 60’s, leave church early, as one of them is in a wheelchair, and they don’t want the other people to get in the way.

David Bowie is there, dressed warmly in a dark sweater. I ask him if Iman is ok with him being Mormon. He acknowledges yes.

We (including?) are at Oprah’s house, looking at her collectibles collection. She has some life-sized statues from different movies. She also has some things of Einstein.

I am riding in a rail train, with no top, with somebody else, inside this room. Looking down, I mention that the rail isn’t there, but then I see it.

I’m in Alan Alda’s bedroom, standing at the end, to the left (if on the bed). I think there might also be an orangey cat.

Alan is on the right side of the bed. He has on those square glasses with the big black frames. He is wearing striped pajamas, but I see that they are see through, and see what looks like white shorts underneath.

His wife is next to him, sitting up, with shorts on. She is skinny, so much so, that I can see a bone sticking out of her left leg, up by the hips. She has really short hair, and I wonder if she is gay. There are several different colored striped pajamas on the end of the bed between them.

Alan puts his arm over her stomach / chest area, bringing her down, wanting to get frisky with her. She mentions that I am there. I know they do other things, read, when I’m not there.

(Didn’t realize I had so much to write.)

It’s Hard

The word “consciousness” came to mind, then Ali told me that it’s hard.

(From Oct. 12, 2014)

The world was going to explode at a certain time, but it didn’t. Don’t know if because it wasn’t going to, or it wasn’t going to at the exact time, on the dot, that was expected.

Greg, but not, looked like a Russian woman. He had gained about 30 pounds, which wasn’t noticeable from the back, and wearing a black dress with belt. He brought the belt up to his breasts.

He had been asked to say a closing prayer (before the explosion ?). He was standing, moving his arms with expression, and started to talk about, before the prayer, with a Russian accent, a weight loss program he was selling, and would need $300.

(From Oct. 11, 2014)

Woke up with the song, “Happy Ever After”, by Julia Fordham.

(From Oct. 10, 2014)

I’m at a (shoe?) store, and hip hop / r&b is playing. The majority of the customers are black. I go to where the music is coming from (front?), and change it. I turn the dial to see what else is playing, but as I turn it, the music stays the same.

As I change the music, I think to myself that I overrule them (the blacks).

Instead of getting upset with me, most of them go to the / a back room to listen to their music.

Still in the store, I have brought two Skechers catalogs that I had gotten in the mail, and am looking through one of them. A young black female is next to me, and she is telling someone else about a couple of the shoes, so I give her the extra one to look through.

(From Oct. 9, 2014)

I was, but wasn’t, in the movie “Alexander and the…. Very Bad Day”, but the circumstances were different. I’m sitting at a rectangular table, at the end(?), with other people, eating. I then see to my left, that several black women have sat down, on both sides, and the end. I tell them that someone else was sitting there.

(From Oct. 8, 2014 Ali’s dream)

He is jogging along a gravel road. Others are there as well. Small towns are along the way. There is a hill that he needs to jog around to come back.

Sticky Situation

The street was getting / had new asphalt put on. We(?) were waiting for it to dry. I may have stepped on it, and it was sticky / stuck to my shoes.

I may have been partially hiding behind a man, next to the street. There were some men, across the street, who had 3 weapons / guns. I was hand motioning / counting to some women, several feet behind me, the weapons / guns they had. Each time I motioned with my hands, I would configure them differently. The women kept motioning to me to come away from there, and go to them.

It was 2 o’clock, close to getting off of work, and my short, male boss, told me to go to a different division (can’t think of another word) of the company. Because of the time, I debated on whether to go, or not, but decided I better.

When I got to the building, it was about quarter after 2. There were several doors, but I knew I needed to go through the one at the far right.

I was expecting consumers there, but there weren’t any. Instead, the workers were around a table, with a screen in front of them, ready to watch something for a meeting / training. I mentioned that I had only been told about this at 2 o’clock. They were fine with it.

A lady to my right was scooting her chair, as if her legs didn’t work. She was headed toward the restroom, and wanted me to follow. I wasn’t sure I should, but after several promptings from her, I went.

When we got inside the restroom, she got up, walking toward a stall. She had wanted to take a break from the meeting / training.

(From July 20, 2014)

I’m in some guy’s kitchen. There is red jello that had jelled / set halfway outside of the bowl, as if wanting to escape. I wanted to eat some, but decided not to since we (group of people / family) were about to eat.

(Ali’s dream)

I told him that he needed to get a gun because we have enemies. He had / got one, and was shooting it in different directions, kinda showing off.

Paying Dues

I’m on Tumblr. One of the posts I see, I go to the original posting because I don’t want commentaries from other people.

Ali pays $10,000 for security (system).

I go past a house that has been turned into a business. There is a big picture window in front. There are counters to the left, with wide enough space between them and the wall(s), for one person to walk through. There are two women in that space. One, is sitting, while the other is standing, helping the line of people who are here to pay their dues.

Thanksgiving

Several women standing by me. One of them asked me if I was supposed to fast today. The others chuckled at this, and one of them said that they (LDS) fast on Sunday’s, and don’t fast on the holiday’s.

Something about thanksgiving.

Larissa (ex-coworker)

Jeanie had become physically ill, so much so that an ambulance had to be called, and she taken out on a stretcher. She had become ill because when someone, at the pulpit at church, had been talking about Jeff (her brother who recently passed), several people in the congregation had been interruptive.

I was parking, little bit diagonally, in a two stall garage, in a station wagon(?). A man had come in, in front, from right to left, in his Smart car (the red and black colors). I moved back a little to allow him room, as there was some extra.

He was impressed with my driving / parking, and I told him that I used to have a Toyota pickup (with late husband, but didn’t mention that). He may have asked where I got it, not sure, but for some reason, I was having a hard time getting out how I had come into possession of the vehicle. I was fumbling my words a bit.

(From July 10, 2014)

A short Arabian man was speaking Spanish to his tiny wife. Someone nearby thought that strange.

I, and someone else, found, in a backyard, a small collectible doll, and what looked to be a shade for a ceiling light. It was shaped like the 60’s hairstyle with the flip at the bottom, like in Hairspray. It was colored / tinted a deep / dark purple, for to use at parties. It also had slits on the sides, in case one wanted to use them for books.

A man said we couldn’t take them away, but that they had to stay with the property.

Same Situation

I have been at a week-long training on how to act like how a wealthy woman would. There are three, or four, women / girls sharing the room. We are leaving the next day, and so we are individually packing our things on our own time. I’m packing my things here, and there. I have most of my clothes packed, thinking I can just throw in the rest, later. My mom had me bring extra clothes, and trial sized laundry detergent (same bottle shape) in case they were needed, which they weren’t.

There were maroon / wine colored folded towels in the bathroom, bath towel next to sink, and one of the girls said to me that I could have them.

There were guys there also, and when I went to see them, they were all packing at the same time.

I saw some of their “fancy”, and fun, boxers hanging, with several baby boy, and girl, clothes hanging in front if them. When I saw them, I said, awww, even though I had seen them earlier.

I also mentioned to one of the guys not to worry about me seeing the boxers, because I had roomed with his roommates before (been through same situation / training).

The building where the training was held, a person could choose what level of manners to learn. I saw a lady go in, and chose the standard training. She sat in a somewhat darkened room, and watched the training on a screen. The map of what room to go to looked like the ones in department stores / malls. The standard level was in the middle, shaded a somewhat red color.

I was in the building where we were tested on what we learned. I was moving down the stacked cubes used for showcasing the clothes, and such that were there. When sitting on a level, and having my legs stretched out to reach the next, there was still some space between so that I needed to do a little jump / drop.

As I was moving, I saw the older lady who was in charge of the training, and testing, walking below me, on my left, going from my front to back. She didn’t see me. She was strict, but not mean.

When I got to the bottom, I saw the group of girls I was in, nearing the end of their testing, and said, oh.

During the testing, it was required to write, and show, what was learned. The lady, who I had seen earlier, was jovially singing what they had written. The girls, standing in the middle of the floor,  were dressed in 1800 style dresses (I mostly just saw the bottom part), but weren’t. The lady was to the left of them, and I was aligned with her, but near the back of the room.

There was a man giant asleep while sitting, outside. The townspeople were all around him. His head was to his left. When I came on the scene, the inside of his right leg was being sewn up, for the people had wanted to know what was inside. There was also something about his arms.

She Concedes

1x.com photos being rearranged.

Watching a tv show that Steve, and Bryce were in, but only a couple of episodes.

(The rest is basically scenes from the show.)

The community is small. I am shown houses with spaces between them, in wooded areas, and then the main town.

The people are gathered at a ship / sub yard, but none are there. I see under the water (as if a pool) what looks like a time card holder, and the slats / slits are not solid sheets of metal, but chained “eye hook” pieces (something like that). This day, the girls are to choose the men they are to marry (similar concept as Sadie Hawkins) by standing where that guy / man’s ship / boat / sub is. There is a group of young girls, along with a guy, in a circle hugging each other because they know that their lives will most likely separate from each other, and go their own way. Two of the girls are after the same guy, one of which looks a bit older. One girl resembles Geena Davis.

It’s time to take their places, and the girl who looks older, gets the spot first. She now looks young. The other girl concedes, thinking / knowing the first girl looks a perfect fit for the guy, and walks away.

One of the girls was wanting Bryce, but becomes disappointed / confused / questioning when she notices he doesn’t have a space. Someone tells her that his parents have retired, and moved to California (he grew up here). She becomes relieved, and light-hearted, thinking it would be fun to move out there. She then becomes a little playful towards the other guys.

A couple are in a van / bus. They are driving along the bottom of a hill. He is the one driving, but not paying attention because he is holding her. They clip a huge military vehicle, causing it to tumble down the hill, past a pond, and catching fire.

There are people on the other side of the hill, seeing the fire light up the setting sky, run to the top of the hill. There isn’t much they can do, so they camp out, and watch.

A small group of women are at a community center, at the end of the pool. A young lady is there, Krystal Finial (?), whose mother, and mother – in – law, are there. She starts to leave. A man comes through a door on the left side of the pool, holding an envelope in the air, and questioningly says, “I have a letter from Krystal”, not knowing these people. Her mother walks over to him, knowing about the letter, and what’s inside, says, “Yes, there’s a Krystal here.”

A woman is sitting on the floor, somewhat mechanically bending the legs up of a baby. There is blood from doing it for so long. There is a lamb nearby. (I didn’t want to remember this one.)